2020 sucked. In so many ways that it doesn’t need repeating. Anything that I say will never take away from the pain and hardship of those who have experience personally the loss or illness of a loved one from Covid-19. And yet, for many of us, life goes on. We try to make the best of it, and at times, we end up in a better place.
I finished 2019 doubting whether having a child was the right choice. I don’t know if I ever had a realistic perspective of what could have happened in St. Petersburg. It may all have been an illusion, just a wish for someone in my life. Instead, it was the end of a dream. Tears, heartbreak, and a loss of confidence. That’s what I associated with 2019.
Now I look back and smile. My life is so much better. Back home, my own family, and quite content with the circle of friends I have. I’m not ‘looking’ for that one person who could make he whole. I am whole.
in 2019, I waited for good things to happen. At times, they did. The best thing I did, starting the path toward becoming a mom, was a blessing. I wished I could say that I did it for all the right reasons. No, I did it because the alternative, never having a child, had become all too real. Little did I know that the Covid shutdowns earlier this year allowed me to spend months just being a mom. I will always cherish the time we had together, a gift many don’t have the luxury to experience.
Looking back, I never was the person I really wanted to be. Being older than my classmates in New York, older than many of the professors, life was complicated. Making true friends was hard. Being myself, with all my faults and quirks was almost impossible. At least it was impossible to show who I really was.
Only when I travelled with friends and former clients, then I could finally let go and be myself. But those opportunities were rare. London, Paris, and St. Petersburg were all amazing in their own way, but all temporary blips in an otherwise desolate landscape.
Now I’m home. Back in the city that shaped me, back among friends who have known me for decades. There is no pretending, no need to ‘show off’, of pressure to conform. I can be myself and my friends love me for who I am. Many know about my past, they don’t care. They share my kinks, and take advantage of me when I let them.
A new job, one that I would never have gotten had I stayed in New York, and one that is making use of all the things I learned studying in the US, is a blessing and a new beginning. Gone are the days when I had more time than I knew what to do with, gone is the uncertainty about what comes next. Of course, it’s weird to start a job during Covid restrictions, but so much better than not having one. That, I’m truly grateful for.
My body has changed. It’s visible that I’m more mature. That I don’t pass for late 20s anymore. But I’m proud of the shape I’m in, and the changes that will endure. At the end of 2019, I had to remove my piercings. I loved them. Now, that I’m no longer breastfeeding, I just had them repierced. They are still sore and need a lot of aftercare. Unlike the first time I had them done, I now have the patience to give them time to heal.
Last, but by no means least, I have the support of my friend that allows me to live life as much as is possible during these weird times. Some (Sara, that means you!) use me as their personal play toy, others are just there to help with my growing family. I love them all, friends and family alike.
So, for all it’s faults, and there were many, 2020 was a good year.
Ah, the clatter of heels that make shivers go
The joys of hardwood flooring and high heels. Glad to have a connoisseur. ?
Oh yes
Francesca, I’m so happy to hear you sharing all the adventures that are coming together for you and your little one, seeing you enter “the open door of what will be”, walking confidently in your new life and into your new Garden of Francesca. You’re being physically mature goes side by side with your greater emotional and intellectual and kink maturity. May all joy be yours. May all the inner strength for the roads ahead continue to develop in you. xoxo david moxiedavid
Thank you so much, David. I like the image of the Garden of Francesca. You’re right, it is a bit like gardening. Removing the weeds, trying something new, see how it flourishes, and enjoying every season. xoxo
I’m glad that you are able to see the positives in this year and that you continue to do well in your new job and as a mother. It was so nice to read, it had such feeling to it.
Thanks, PS. I’m glad the positive vibes came across a bit. I’m not trying to sugarcoat 2020, but life goes on and there is only so much any one of us has control over. xoxo
I love the positive note of this post, Francesca! It makes me happy to read that 2020 has been a good year for you, that you are happy where you are now, and happy with who you are. And thank you for still popping in every now and then to share your sexy images and clips with us 😉
~ Marie xox
I’m glad that I’ve been able to share a bit of happiness during this pretty awful time. And of course, I’ll continue to post little ‘teaser’ pictures and clips. xoxo
So glad to hear that all is well and that the move was good. Being near family has been one of the reasons I return to my hometown even though like a river never crosses the same bank twice. You never go back to what was only what is today. Places of memory, but family both genetic or by choice remain tied to our souls.
Be well stay safe, please keep writing. Always a pleasure to see as are your beautiful images.
You’re so right, David, about returning home but not going back in time. Friends have changed, so has family and the city. Still, the familiarity is comforting. Of course, I’ll keep writing.. xoxo
This might be the most positive view of 2020 I’ve seen in a long time, thank you for sharing.
I’m sure I’m an outlier in how I’ve experienced 2020, but I can’t help but feel a sense of calm and happiness. xoxo
Francesca – what a post – not only that written so well. During the lock down you helped me without knowing. You were in NY – almost alone and so was my baby – 21 bless her – trying to make a go of life when the shit hit the fan. There were many hard times and reading about your life helped more than u could know. You with your baby – special moment that you will be glad you had. Somehow i felt closer to my daughter because u were there too
I only wish good things for you xx
Oh, May, as bad as it was in New York, I’m so glad that it was of some help to you. Whether 21 days or 21 years, I suppose our babies will always remains our babies. I just hope that your daughter came through alright. Send her lots of love. xoxo
so well written. Looking at 2020 in a positive way is wonderful and heart warming. i am happy that things are working well back home. i had to listen and watch several times. The sounds and sights very erotic. i hope 2021 brings you and your baby great joy and wonderful times.
Thank you so much sindee! I hope 2021 is good to you. xoxo
I’m glad you’re doing well. By the way, in the Chinese language, the character for crisis has a second meaning: new opportunities. Good luck!
I like that, thank, Lisa! I suppose in a way, we’re all discovering new opportunities even during times that couldn’t be much worse. Still, I’ll be happy when life returns to a more normal way of living. xoxo