Not long from now, I’ll be returning home. I truly don’t know what to expect. I’ve been away for several years, my life has changed completely, and I am a different person.
What hasn’t changed is the world that I will be returning to. I already know that I will have to fend off pressure to return to escorting. My escort page is still easy to find for anyone who knows my actual escort name (obviously not Alyssia) and just googles it with my former escort agency.
Of course, business has shut down for the moment, but my history is still there. I’ve done my best to hide my escort life, and to a large extent my on-line life, from my real identity. But it’s a risk.
There are people who I have met in this community, who have pictures that show my face. There are others who may not ever look at this blog, but know my escort name and agency. The odds that these two overlap are slim, but not zero. And then there are friends who know my real name and would recognize me even from behind in the images I posted. Again, they are unlikely to look here.
And still, it only takes a few coincidences and someone could put two and two together. Then I’m fucked.
The safe thing to do would have been to stay low. Not write a book, start a blog, be active on Twitter; just be silent. Had I stayed in Germany, I probably would have done so. But I didn’t stay in Germany. I left to look for a different life.
That’s what I found, and with it I became a different person.
I’ll be flying back in a few weeks. I have flashes of visions where I return to my old life. They called me ‘rubberdoll’. Just because I was obsessed with it, and could spend nights sealed in rubber from head to toe. The person I am now is so much more, so much more mature.
While I don’t know what I will do with my life, I have a clear direction. I like the sex industry, I have a lot of respect for sex workers, even though I never really considered myself as one. That, however, was more based on legal distinctions in Europe at the time. Those lines have now blurred.
That begs the question: Would I ever consider returning to my old ‘profession’? Fuck, yes! I don’t plan to, but being in the position I’m in now, there are a lot of upsides. No need to list them here.
So what will I do when I get asked? What will I do when COVID is over and business resumes? I just don’t know. I may be back to square one, but if I am, then it’s a whole new level. I’ll be looking at life from the penthouse, not the ground floor.
I’m proud of my achievements. Proud of my past and confident in my future. Whatever it brings.
However things work out I wish you all the best in all aspects of your life.
Thank you, that’s very sweet of you. xoxo
Wishing you the best of luck! <3
Thank you, Nora. I’m sure it’ll all work out – I hope not to disappear. xoxo
Don’t disappear! 🙂
You have a lot of questions. I wish you wisdom as you make the decisions that will shape your future. All the best!
Thanks, Michael! I will need the wisdom, whether I have enough of it, I’ll probably find out. xoxo
I’m proud of you, F. Glad you can return home for awhile. Whatever happens happens… best wishes for all good things. Just be you.
Thanks, Elliott! It definitely feels good to return home. Everything else, I’m confident I can cope with. No worries, I’ll still be me (and you will continue to hear from me 😊 xoxo
Wow reading this story of yours Francesca made me like you so much moire. You are indeed a Goddess (a Latex Goddess). Whatever you do in the future i will always follow you and whatever you need, you know just ask
No worries, I will still be around, just from a different place. Thanks for all your kind words! xoxo
You have always done good for yourself and finding ways to make your life even better. i am confident you will continue to do the very best you can .
best wished
Thanks, sindee!. I’ll try. I’m sure much will be different, but I hope for the better. I’m feeling very optimistic. xoxo
I’m sure that once the question comes, you will know what to say, and whatever your answer is, will be right for you at that moment. I wish you a safe journey back, home, Francesca, and so much happiness!
~ Marie
Thanks, Marie! I’m pretty optimistic. It seems overwhelming when I look at it from the distance, but once I’m there, I’m sure your right. xoxo
Best of luck with whatever you decide 😊
Thanks, Liz! 😘
I will be thinking of u lovely
May x
Thanks, May! After settling in, I hope to be back — we’ll see how life continues. xoxoxo
To redefine and discover ones self is always and ongoing process. I wish you well in your search and future
Thank you so much. A good way to think about an uncertain future. xoxo
I liked the GIF. I loved your post. Congratulations on leveling up. Growing isn’t easy. Giving up the none for the unknown is hard. You are very brave. Life is a river never passing the same place twice. Just like every day we are someone different than the day before if we learned or grew at all the day before. When you answered the question last you weren’t who you are today. I can’t wait to see where your story takes you. Be well, stay safe, and keep writing!