Not long from now, I’ll be returning home. I truly don’t know what to expect. I’ve been away for several years, my life has changed completely, and I am a different person.
What hasn’t changed is the world that I will be returning to. I already know that I will have to fend off pressure to return to escorting. My escort page is still easy to find for anyone who knows my actual escort name (obviously not Alyssia) and just googles it with my former escort agency.
Of course, business has shut down for the moment, but my history is still there. I’ve done my best to hide my escort life, and to a large extent my on-line life, from my real identity. But it’s a risk.
There are people who I have met in this community, who have pictures that show my face. There are others who may not ever look at this blog, but know my escort name and agency. The odds that these two overlap are slim, but not zero. And then there are friends who know my real name and would recognize me even from behind in the images I posted. Again, they are unlikely to look here.
And still, it only takes a few coincidences and someone could put two and two together. Then I’m fucked.
The safe thing to do would have been to stay low. Not write a book, start a blog, be active on Twitter; just be silent. Had I stayed in Germany, I probably would have done so. But I didn’t stay in Germany. I left to look for a different life.
That’s what I found, and with it I became a different person.
I’ll be flying back in a few weeks. I have flashes of visions where I return to my old life. They called me ‘rubberdoll’. Just because I was obsessed with it, and could spend nights sealed in rubber from head to toe. The person I am now is so much more, so much more mature.
While I don’t know what I will do with my life, I have a clear direction. I like the sex industry, I have a lot of respect for sex workers, even though I never really considered myself as one. That, however, was more based on legal distinctions in Europe at the time. Those lines have now blurred.
That begs the question: Would I ever consider returning to my old ‘profession’? Fuck, yes! I don’t plan to, but being in the position I’m in now, there are a lot of upsides. No need to list them here.
So what will I do when I get asked? What will I do when COVID is over and business resumes? I just don’t know. I may be back to square one, but if I am, then it’s a whole new level. I’ll be looking at life from the penthouse, not the ground floor.
I’m proud of my achievements. Proud of my past and confident in my future. Whatever it brings.