Truth and Fiction

Right now, it’s very tempting to live in a world of fiction. Many of the freedoms we enjoyed seem out of reach. The truth can be too harsh, and, frankly, often depressing. At least that’s the case for me personally, living at this moment in time in the US — the ‘land of liberty and freedom’. Don’t get me wrong, I love the country and the people, but the rest of it is fucked up.

So, what do I do? I imagine what could have been. The way my life should be at this moment. And that’s a slippery slope when writing a blog entry. What’s truth and what’s fiction often gets commingled. This is the time for me to come clean with some truths. And also reveal what’s fiction. My attempt at regaining my freedom.

Here we go…

Truth: I’m a openly confessing rubber fetishist. I’m not addicted, but I simply love the smell of it, the touch, the feel, and most of all, the sensation of wearing a second skin over my body. It does make me feel like a superhero. That’s my world.

Fiction: I’m not some poor unemployed graduate, looking for a job, being depressed about having to return to Germany.

Truth: I’m well taken care off, I have saved enough to be financially independent, but I cannot let go of my former escort live. Do I still see ‘friends’? Yes, I do. Does Covid put a pause to it? Yes, it does. Did I graduate from Columbia this summer? Yes, I did. Did I really look for a job in the US? No, I never bothered. Had I always planned to return to Germany? Yes, I had. What job will I have in Germany? The most important one of all – you can figure out the rest.

Fiction: Since about March, I started using Photoshop for some of my pictures. There are the obvious reasons – my body was changing rapidly. But then there are the more emotional reasons. I couldn’t accept that I had a closet full of latex gear and nothing would fit. Even worse, I had none of my regular partners to play with. I couldn’t even find anyone, given all the covid restrictions. So, I’m sorry if some of you didn’t realize that more recent pictures were photo-shopped.

Truth: I did spend the last few years in New York and did move to Maryland at the end of April. My life here is calm, quiet, but we have a lot of time together. Something that I would probably never have had without the Covid restrictions. We play in the yard, see bunnies, smell flowers, and even have a swing-set. It’s the best part of my life, and there is nothing kinky about it.

Fiction: I’m drawing a blank now.

Truth: When I mark an entry as ‘Fiction’, it largely is. But there is always a kernel of truth embedded.

Truth: Every location I’ve blogged about, I’ve been to. Everything I’ve blogged about, I’ve done. Every like and dislike I’ve blogged about, is true.

Biggest truth of all: My St. Petersburg entries. There is not a single word that I regret writing, not a single word that wasn’t real. The emotional roller-coaster was something I still think of. I just can’t let go. Of all the times I have spent with someone, this is the time when I most felt alive; when being a slut, a whore, a fucktoy was all I wanted to be. I saw him again after St. Petersburg for a few days. I never wrote about it. Maybe someday I will.

Truth: I don’t know whether I’m submissive or not. I have never felt more alive than being a submissive cum sucking whore, who is used without having a choice. I love to be overpowered, taken my freedom away, being locked in restraints, transformed into a rubberdoll. But those occasions are rare. I real life, I intimidate people. I am opinionated, argumentative, and a fucking pain in the ass for anyone who believes they’re better than others.

Fake: I got one more. I’m not ‘looking’ and I’m not lonely. On Twitter, I tease. I love to do that, but not because I actually would like to find someone for real. In my DMs, I’m honest and I don’t think I’ve ever said something that was made up. But my tweets are meant to be amusing and not serious.

Truth: Sex with women is better, but sucking cock is awesome!

4Thoughts

10 thoughts on “Truth and Fiction

  1. Truth or fiction you make this readers imagination work like a crazy man. I wish you all the best. Thank you.

  2. I know it may be on odd thing to say but I have enjoyed you posts over Covid period so much – they have a certain about of vitality to them. Even when you have been writing very serious stuff.
    It is liberating telling the truth – and brave too.
    This is soooo me – “and a fucking pain in the ass for anyone who believes they’re better than others.”
    May xx
    PS. When I saw your image at the top I immediately thought- “oh Francesca looking fab as usual” 😉

    1. Thanks, May. It is a pretty stifling environment and this is a great way to let of some steam, both creatively and the real kind. At some point, we’ll do something together and we’ll kick ass! xoxo

  3. A blog allows us to tell our own truth and I think we all bend the truth a little so it’s OK to have a bit of fiction to it. But hearing someone’s personal thoughts makes you feel more connected to the person.

    1. So true. And during this period, in particular, I feel that the reality I see around me doesn’t really reflect all that is there. During the COVID period, we’re probably all living in smaller bubbles than we’re used to. Adding some fiction and creativity to it feels like poking a hole into the bubble and seeing what life is like outside. xoxo

  4. I enjoy everything your write, whether truth or fiction, as there is always a certain depth to your words, and many times it leaves me thinking of and philosophizing over life.
    ~ Marie

    1. Oh, thanks, Marie! I get to write a lot less these days, I also have less time to just ‘make things up’. Fiction is wonderful, and if I ever do some serious writing, it’ll definitely be fiction. But I’ve always believed that there is more truth to be found in fiction than in non-fiction. It’s often the truth that is easier to talk about when cast in the light of something entirely imaginary. xoxo

  5. Amazing, Francesca. I have always adored you. And yes, I have hoped that you would invite me to travel with you to your favorite place, St Petersburg, or some other European city that you love…. I have always thought you were a Domme and would never submit to a man. i assumed you were polyamorous. And, about your body…were you speaking of it as one who was pregnant…from YOUR Dom in St Petersburg…who you left and then continued the pregnancy to term in Maryland, where you are now? I may be completely off, but I would like to know since I care about you. Of course, I am a very non-judgmental person, so I’ll only receive what answer you give me, with empathy. Love, Dani @RIPEms_

    1. I’m so glad you like it here, Dani. This is my world where I pour my heart out, unless I indulge in some fiction. It’s not always pretty, sometimes very raw, but that makes it so different from being just on twitter. I won’t make you read all of the posts that came before and after St. Petersburg. I’ll message you with some of the details. xoxo

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