There are a thousand reasons to feel depressed. And there is just one reason to stay kinky. It’s so easy to get swept up in daily news, madness, insanity, and genuine human tragedy. This will continue for a while. Trying to keep up with it, to think that it will all be different tomorrow, is delusional.

I’ve struggled to keep my head straight. When I think about where I thought I’d be at this point in my life, and where I in reality am, I don’t even recognize the world anymore. I’m trying hard to bring the core of who I am back to the surface. The fun, teasing, outgoing, caring, nurturing, compassionate, smart, curious, entertaining, creative, and kinky Francesca. Sorry for the self-aggrandizement, though after what we’re going through, I believe we all deserve to think the best of ourselves.

Like so many others, I’ve been feeling more than a bit out of sorts. I don’t even know anymore whether I’m a sub, or maybe feel more like a switch, whether I am seeking a D/s relationship, or keep my kinkiness as a quiet bonus for when it comes in handy.

All of these labels don’t really make much sense anymore. The world is passing me by in ways that makes a mockery of any ‘plans’ or ‘labels’. Everything is amplified during the pandemic. The choices we make, the stress we experience, the strain on relationships. The challenge of being who we think we are.

So, I’ve asked myself what grounds me.

Kink. I may sound like a broken record, but I’m just not missing the football season, Formulate 1 races, or the latest movie releases. I can happily go without them (as long as I can see the good movies while lying in my bed…). I’ve started getting back into being a bit naughty, thinking about what I’ll do next, what I want to try. For now, I’m obsessed with getting back into my corsets.

Summer is a difficult time to wear catsuits. It’s just getting too hot and I don’t have the time to care for them the way I should. But wearing my corsets again, even if they don’t close the way they used to, is a good start. It gives me a goal, and brings out the ambitious competitor in me.

I had hoped to use the German Fetish Ball in September as my motivator, to find myself again. Unfortunately, there won’t be one in 2020. Even in places where the pandemic is much more controlled than it is here, large gatherings are unlikely to happen this year. So, I’m looking for another motivator, not that I need much to pull out some of my favorite gear.😊

Relocating back to Germany will be a major endeavor, although one I look forward to. There are a lot of upsides to it, not the least is the acceptance of fetishes in the general public. Could I stand in London or Berlin in the city center wearing a catsuit, boots, and a corset? Of course! Could I just let the world pass me by, push the madness out of my life, and seek some shelter to spend a few months the way I thought I would? Of course!

And that’s exactly what I intend to do. I can’t change the world, but I can keep the world from changing me. The way to being a kinky mom may not be what I thought six months ago, but a kinky mom I will be.

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