Single and blogging

I started blogging a little over a year ago, having no idea what I was doing. Before that, I had never kept a diary or any other way of keeping track of what happened in my life. I had my reasons. I didn’t want to leave a record of what I was doing.

Not only did I not have a diary, but I was also absent from social media. My life was essentially ‘off the grid’. I was perfectly happy that way. Real-life had given me enough experiences, sexual and otherwise, to last a lifetime. Why live a ‘virtual life’ when reality had so much to offer?

Then I started writing a book. I self-published it on Amazon. While the first part was loosely based on my life as an escort, as I got into the later parts, it turned more and more into a dark fiction piece. Looking back, it said a lot about my state of mind. (I got some nice reviews, but as my first full-length book, it was rather obvious that I’m an amateur.)

That got me, though, to be on twitter to spread the word about my book. It worked for a while, but instead, I found a lot of great sex bloggers with whom I’m still in touch. @posychurchgate talked me into blogging. Whatever is wrong with this blog, is obviously my fault. That it exists in the first place, is thanks to Posy.

I have posted regularly over the past year. In the beginning, I didn’t have my own voice yet. Looking back, it seems like another person’s blog. Not all bad, but not really honest and a reflection of myself. That all changed in November 2019.

The series of posts about my trip to St. Petersburg was pure emotion. I poured everything I had into them. It was gut-wrenching to live through the ups and downs. And it was equally cathartic to have a place to write it down.

Apart from friends at school, who know nothing about my past, I only had friends from Germany who knew about my kinks. But after several years apart, I lost touch with many of them. This blog became my friend. The one I could tell why I was feeling down when I needed to get something off my mind.

I don’t know how I feel having a blog as a friend. I read the posts of others who are in relationships, subs and Doms and everything in between. Few sex bloggers are single. Some go through rough times in relationships and others separate from their partner. But few start blogging about sex, kinks, and D/s relationships without having a firm partner first.

Not me.

There is one relationship I had wanted (…St. Petersburg), but otherwise, I was happy to be single. I had experienced too much, as corny as this may sound, to start all over again. I had no interest in being a sub when my partner had to be ‘taught’ what it meant to be a Dom.

I have no interest in watching porn. I don’t even care much about reading erotica. Not that some are done really well, but they lack the spontaneous human connection. There are some blogs that I love to read. Not that I have enough time to do it as much as I’d want. But I care more about the human touch, the emotions, raw and real, that tells me something about who is writing.

Over time, I’ve come to realize that I don’t write this blog for others. I write it for myself. My tone has changed, and over time, I think, I found my voice. The posts I write are limited to topics where I want to say something. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. I hate proof-reading or editing my posts once I wrote them. When I do, the post never gets better.

Still, I feel very ambivalent about telling my blog how I feel. I don’t care who reads it, but I’d much rather talk to a real person. I live a lot in the past. Writing about my past tells me what’s missing in my life. Of course, I’ve gained a lot since Kinky Mom. But it’s very different.

So, what does that all mean? I don’t know. Ask Posy, she may be able to give you an answer.

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20 thoughts on “Single and blogging

  1. Francesca, what I love about your sharing yourself more and more through your blog writing is you sharing your heart, your thoughts, your ruminations, your yearnings. As you have been writing (fiction and non-fiction), I hear your inner voice being more and more “spoken.” Yes many other bloggers are in relationships of some kind alongside their writing blogs. It is not their being in relationship which gives validity to their writing. Their validity comes from the truths they discover and share, the deeply felt emotions they express, and the universal search for meaning, hope, human connection, and freely given and shared love. Your blog is a gift to me and many others I imagine. I pray that you will let yourself feel the presence of we who appreciate you and your life, expressed in your writings and photos. XOXO

    1. I had to read your comments a few times. First to understand it, then to really understand it, and then to figure out what it all means. You’re right, it’s not about a relationship or not, even if it feels that way when others write about the dynamics with their partners that I can only imagine but have not experienced. My blog is a bit different, and maybe that’s OK. You should be a therapist (maybe you are…). xoxo

  2. I really enjoy your writing and while the events that you write about are fascinating and give me an insight into things I wouldn’t see otherwise, it is the ‘you’ in your posts that makes me want to read and I often feel that I can relate to what you are saying and that I feel a connection to you in that sense. Those are things that make me want to read. Like you I am not much interested in reading erotic fiction and so enjoy the posts I find about real people and real lives, especially when they refer to thoughts and feelings about kinks and relationships that encourage me to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings. As for being single, I often look at others and see aspects of their lives that seem to appeal and as long as your life suits you that is what is important. To have followed such huge change and developments In yours has felt like a privilege 😊

    1. Thanks Missy, for articulating why it’s OK, even better than just OK, to have ups and downs. It always seems like the grass on the other side is greener, but perhaps it’s just different, and when we see it, our curiosity gets the better of us. I’m glad you are getting something out of it. I’ll certainly keep looking around, write about what’s going on, sometimes funny, sexy, sad, or hopeful. And sometimes, I’ll just let my imagination go wild… xoxoxo

  3. What has drawn me to your blog is that your perspective is so different to others. It is your voice and it is whatever you want it to be, sexy or not.

    1. Thanks PS! I think that’s what took me a while. Trying to follow a ‘format’ for my blog that others have, just didn’t quite work. I write less now, but when I do, I feel that I have something to say — sexy or not. xoxo

  4. From the moment I have discovered your blog, I loved it. You gave us a pure and honest insight in your life, which taught me a lot, and at the same time was sexy and very much enjoyable. I love your pictures. I loved your St. Petersburg series and the way you shared your emotions, your thoughts. I hope you keep on blogging for a long time, not for us out here, but for yourself.
    ~ Marie

  5. Francesaca – Oh, what an honour you bestow, the person who encouraged you to blog. I have been so impressed with your skills since I first read your book to review. You seemed to hit the ground running when you started to blog. You threw yourself into both the writing memes (fiction and non fiction) and the photographic posts. You have built a good reputation and large following fast. I checked in often, as fascinated by what you shared as your other regular readers.

    When I binge read your St Petersburg posts I felt your anguish and distress. Soon I realised so much in your life was changing, all at once and that’s a lot to handle, especially for one person. I know many of your on-line friends also provided you with sounding-board / virtual support.

    It is not so surprising that now, with the whole world trying to work out how to move forward, that you stop and ask yourself about your blog – is it fulfilling its purpose for you? I wish I had an answer for you, but I am in a similar soul searching quandry myself.

    Be true to yourself, is my first tip. Don’t share/bare more than you are comfortable with. Go easy with your plans, don’t make blogging feel like a ‘plate spinning’ act where you struggle to keep all the plates rotating on the poles. Ringfence enough time to enjoy your real life, friends, family, a healthy work/life balance. It’s easy to fool ourselves that social media has more importance than it does.

    As others have observed Francesca. your experiences are unique to you. The way you share them – either as journal style posts or woven into fiction – makes you stand out as an intelligent, brave free spirit who is intrinsically a sexual being. You do you.

    1. Thanks, Posy! It’s always good to hear from you, and you are so right about the spinning plate. I hadn’t looked at my blog in days. I just needed a break. Now, more than ever, it’s nice to have ‘virtual friends’, though I miss seeing my family. I hope that will change soon.

      We’re all going through this, maybe sitting in the US, feeling trapped, makes it a bit worse for me. At least it’s something that I can’t get out of my head. It looks like we’ll be going back to Germany in September. It’ll be nice, more than nice, to see my family. I cannot tell you how much I miss a good hug from my parents. They aren’t perfect, but they are family. Right now, that’s what I miss most. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. xoxoxoxoxoxo

  6. A very honest that I think others as well as myself can related to. I too am not a lover of erotic fiction, although some people’s writing I like and read it for their style and not content a lot of the time. Having a blog as a friend? Well they say you cant chose your family but you can your friends, so if your blog is your friend I’ll assume it’s doing you some good!

    1. Funny you feel the same way. I always thought that most people get a kick out of erotic content. Of course, I play with the mind and with the eye, but more to get a kick out of it. I wished I had more time to read other blogs, not about their sexual adventures, but about the people who I’ve come to know. What’s going on in their lives, and how do they use their blogs to express themselves. So, in a way, my blog is part of the six degrees of separation. I get to know people who I would never have met any other way. xoxo

  7. I’m sorry I missed your bloggiversary, Francesca. I’m so glad that Posy talked you into blogging. Though I likewise don’t have as much time to catch up on my reading, yours is one of the blogs I always enjoy returning to whenever I can 🙂 xxx

    1. I think we’re all struggling a bit these days. Even when there is some time (what little there is), it takes more effort than it used to in the pre-covid world to read and write. Posy did a good thing, it helped me keep sane during these times, and I will for always be glad that she helped me find a circle of friends who are supportive and inspiring – like you. xoxo

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