I’m a good listener. I’ve finally figured out that there is a place for me where I belong. And it’s not in some obscure job but in personal relations. I’m easy to talk to, a pleasure to fuck, and can make (almost) any person feel better.

Just looking around, there is a lot of anger in the world. A lot of frustration, fear, and uncertainty. The funny thing is, we’re all looking for leadership from people we either elected or at least respect. And that’s often more wishful thinking than reality.

I came to the US to study, which I did. I’ve got my degree, I can keep up a intellectual conversation with anyone. I can also enjoy time with just about any person, as long as they are willing to carve out some time and relax. But norms that used to exist appears to have gone missing. Or, put more optimistically, our hopes for a more civil discourse have temporarily been dashed.

During my time as an escort, I had the opportunity to meet (not always sexually) amazing people. Those we would look to during normal times. From members of parliament, presidential candidates, Nobel peace prize winners, to CEOs and Board members of the world’s best-known banks and companies. They all had one thing in common. Decency.

They were nothing like the people on TV. Spending time with them, one-on-one, away from the spotlight, with no obligation to be impressive, they were human beings. Often humble, kind, and always decent. They didn’t have to be. After all, they mostly paid for my time and could have done anything without apologizing.

The culture we live in turns decent people into bastards. We all want to tell others to go fuck themselves from time to time. We often do, then we forget we did. When people in power positions say it, it has consequences. Those are harder to forgive and forget.

I may have an over-inflated perception of myself, but I can be that time-out everyone needs. In particular, those who don’t get to have a time-out. It means being in the shadows, always being second, and letting others use me. I’ll be their ‘forgive and forget’. But really, what an escort does, is provide a service that we all need.

There is a huge difference between paying for sex and meeting an escort. Money is important when sex is a commodity. Time replaces money when companionship is the commodity. And the more pressure there is, particularly on public figures, the higher the price of time becomes.

I’m good at giving people balance in their lives. The calm to say ‘I’ll do better’, rather than ‘fuck you’.

There are still a few months left, but I’m likely to return to Europe by the end of the summer. Europe has its problems, too. Staying in the US, however, comes with a litany of complications. I don’t mind hard work, but I’m not one for battling through immigration processes to stay in the US. Following my graduation, I only have three months before I need to either have a sponsoring employer or leave the country. And finding a job right at this time is just about impossible.

I’m seriously thinking of getting back into the escort business, though only for private clients. You won’t see me on a website, looking for new clients. Some are destined to become artists, writers, entrepreneurs, politicians, doctors, or lawyers. I’m none of those. But I can make all of them better, more decent human beings.

As the saying goes (I just made that up), a decent person treats others the way they treat their escort.

I finish with an excerpt from a personal message by the President of Columbia University, reflecting on racial injustice that has become so apparent over the past week.

Until last Friday, I did not think it was possible for me to forget even for a moment that we are in the midst of an historic pandemic, bringing untold human loss and crossing a numerical threshold of unimaginable proportions. But the horrifying ending of the life of George Floyd, a citizen in the very system of justice intended to protect him, and us, which then, along with other recent tragic deaths, drew back the curtains on centuries of invidious discrimination against African Americans, and others, did that. My hopes for a renewed sense of national purpose to continue the heroic efforts of so many, over so many generations, to change once and for all that terrible course of history have been raised, and then deflated. We are at a point in our history where political leadership is not only absent but also disturbingly confounding of the fundamental norms and values that take years and years of hard and determined work to develop—and yet are always so fragile when pitted against the worst instincts of human nature. My concerns here are not partisan, but basic to our culture.”

Lee Bolinger


13 thoughts on “Decency

  1. There are a lot of poignant things in this post Francesca – I think the lock down has really tightened a lot of us up where our words are concerned.

    “Money is important when sex is a commodity. Time replaces money when companionship is the commodity.” And of course time is more precious that money.

    “My concerns here are not partisan, but basic to our culture.” – that msg echos so many of our thoughts…

    TY for being the FIRST link on the FIRST prompt of the new 4thoughts – means a lot
    May xx

    1. Glad that I could get things started, and thanks again to you for taking this new version forward. Looking around, particularly now that I’m close to Washington D.C., it’s beginning to border on madness. I have a hard time believing that any of this is normal. xoxo

  2. Francesca, you’ve shared another thoughtful and insightful reflection on your own life and vocation which is so relevant for more than you. I found reading your thoughts very calming and life affirming. I’m pretty sure you’re more than a good listener; you are more of an active listener being really present with the person and all their different selves. I imagine that after being with you your clients, friends, and lovers feel renewed and re-energized. I imagine you engage in some really interesting dialogues with your clients and your friends which are immeasurable….along with fantastic mind altering sex. You do make the world and those you interact with more kind and decent. One would never want to be indecent, would we? LOL xoxo

    1. Thanks, David. I think we can all agree that there is a certain degree of decent indecency that makes everyone feel better. xoxo

    1. So true. I’m always astonished at the ‘I know the truth’ attitude that is so often on display. xoxo

  3. The world seem like a crazy place at this moment, and that message of the President of Columbia University says it all. I really like the saying you have made up “a decent person treats others the way they treat their escort” as there is a lot more in there than meets the eye when you first read it.
    ~ Marie

    1. It would be nice if we would all approach other people with the attitude that it will be a positive experience, and try to show our best side. It may not always work out, but it’s a good attitude to start. xoxo

  4. Fascinating and insightful as always Francesca. I think your new quote rings very true.
    It’s a shame that all this unrest could affect your future plans, despite all your hard work. I hope you can still go in a direction beneficial to you. Your thoughts on the muddle this world is in shine a light on your intelligence while the quote you’ve shared at the end has so much truth therein.

    1. I’m sure I’ll benefit enormously from my experience here in the US, if only in allowing me to understand social dynamics better. What’s maddening at first, has also the potential to bring out a lot of creativity and initiative. I’ll be fine, wherever I end up. xoxo

  5. Francesca, thank you for your thoughts and words. These are difficult times and they have raised tension between those of privilege and those who aren’t.
    Scarcity is going to make the gap even wider as we as a nation struggle with the conflicting ideas of personal liberties and what is good for the whole.
    Our society of I can must become a society of we can.
    No more them.
    We are people no one deserves any more or less than to be respected and not thought of as other.
    Maybe this country will learn.
    Maybe it will burn.
    I’m optimistic enough to believe that the true human spirit is a giving spirit and it can’t be kept down.

    1. I love your optimism, and frankly, even if at times it seems bleak, I share your attitude. In the midst of chaos, there is kindness, creativity, and a spirit that strives for a better future. As long as that remains alive, I think this country will be fine — it may just take a few more centuries. xoxo

  6. I crossed paths regularly with celebs in the past, and the thing I got from that also was that, out of the spotlight, most people are decent. (There are exceptions, but they are … well … exceptions.)
    Maybe I’m biased, being a little more than sex positive – do you think it is possible to have such a positive effect on people when sex isn’t involved? I genuinely wonder sometimes whether the world would be a better place if everyone … EVERYONE … was enjoying good sex.

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