Confession of a grown-up Slut #NSFW #F4Thought

Your message from Monday was a surprise. And to be honest, since you left me in St. Peterburg, I had barely given you a thought. Done. You were out of my life.

I worked hard to get over you. Not that there ever was an ‘us’ anyway. There could have been. What almost was can be more difficult to suppress than what actually happened. And if you think I’m responding to express my excitement over your message, you’re seriously wrong.

You are despicable, arrogant, narcissistic, power-hungry, manipulative, and those are just the polite words I have for you. You made me feel naked, alone, vulnerable, lost, confused, just knowing that this day might come. Now, I have changed.

No longer am I in search of a partner who dominates me the way you could. I don’t need your cock to feel satisfied. Your hands around my throat are no longer part of my breathplay fantasy. You have been replaced. Not by a person you can push around. No, far worse. By my own words.

I never told you that I have a blog. Well, guess what? Everything I had to say about you, everything I went through to get over you is there. All the world can read it. Have a look. Just click right between my legs, push on my cunt. Do it, on your pathetic phone.

You remember the dress. You’re surprised that I can still wear it over my body. It’s become my friend, my protection. It’s a condom that protects me from people like you. People, who want me as their whore, as their slut, and fuck hole. People who don’t give a shit about my feelings, my future, my wants, and desires.

Today, I’m sitting here, writing back to you, even though I know it’s wrong. I should just leave you alone. Let you be the one who wonders what could have been. But I’m not that cruel. No, I’m worse. I hate you with a passion. That’s the upside for you. The way I hurt you now is by being honest with myself and you.

I love you to this day.

I’ve loved you since we were in Berlin together. In St. Petersburg, all you had to do was ask. I would have said yes and become yours to have to good. I loved you madly then, and I love you madly now.

Just read these posts, and you will understand who I am. I can love you, I can even admit the mistakes I made, my fear of commitment. But nothing will ever take away the strength that I have gained to say right to your face:

‘I DON’T NEED YOU!’

The love I have for you will stay with me. I know what it feels like to have found my equal. Someone who can push me down on my knees not by force, but by demanding my submission. The cock in my mouth, the cum in my throat, the taste of your balls, the public humiliation I so gladly endure.

All that could have been yours. But it’s not.

There is no ‘us’. I carry my love for you with me for as long as I must. But you show up in my life again and you will come to know the hate I feel for you. You have destroyed what could have been. And that has made me stronger. You cannot hurt me anymore.

I’m glad you wrote, ‘Sweetie’. It feels good to tell you how I feel. Love and hate, both are still strong. What has changed is the strength of my independence. The will to determine my own future, on my terms. And those terms do not include you.

I don’t have this blog to hurt you, though you deserve it. It has helped me grow and let go of you. Read it, every word, and you will see what you have lost. The proud slut who would suck your cock in the morning just to please you now gets ready to bring another person into this world.

He deserves a clean start. One, where he is protected by his mother. There is no drama, no unsettled past, no desire for a different present. This is me now. Proud, strong, single, and just a few weeks away from having a baby boy.

The love that never happened is a cross I can bear. The whore you always wanted, the cunt who once was there for you, is something you will never have.

I hope you know what you lost.

I know what I have gained.

F4Thought
February Photofest

21 thoughts on “Confession of a grown-up Slut #NSFW #F4Thought

  1. I love your resolve. And as weird as this may seem, proud of your mindset on this. You clearly have set your priorities for yourself and your forthcoming addition …that is powerful, and beautiful as well. Kudos!

  2. Oh Francesca, this brought tears to my eyes, it’s so moving and strong. Indeed, he doesn’t deserve you, not after he has treated you, and no matter the love you still feel for him. You set your boundaries, for you and your baby boy, and be the strong and wonderful woman (and soon mom) you are.

    Rebel xox

    1. Thanks, Rebel, for your support in getting me to enthusiastic point. Just hearing that what I’m doing is ok, makes a huge difference. Xoxoxo

  3. That is bloody brilliant -when i put in the prompt to write a love letter I didn’t expect any one would and certainly not with the amount of passion in this one – good luck to u – i know u have wonderful things coming your way
    May x

    1. Thanks, May. It probably is one of the ‘be careful what you wish for’ kind of love letter. The prompt turned out to be perfect. 😘

    1. Thanks, Floss. Reading a lot of your posts encouraged me to say what’s on my mind without holding back. Xox

    1. Thanks, Swirly. Yes, writing definitely helps. Thoughts just go around in circles in my head, but putting them on paper clarifies a lot. 😘

  4. Powerful writing! I enjoyed your energy and your commitment to yourself and the new person you are carrying. Sending very best wishes!

  5. Wow . . . really, really moving.
    I wish you the best of wishes for your future(s) . . . and something tells me that your strength means you will be fine in every sense!!!
    And, I hope you won’t feel it churlish of me, in the context of your words, to also say that you make that latex look absolutely breathtaking!!!
    Xxx – K

    1. Thanks, K, for your kind words. I always love it when I have to look up a word before responding — it is definitely not churlish of you. Still learning English….😘

  6. This is a searing response. You are obviously passionate about your feelings, and rightfully so, it seems. Your priorities are in line, though. And you…and your baby…will be so much better off without the kind of hurt it appears he inflicted.

    1. Thanks! I do feel proud of myself. It’s so easy to cave in and return to old habits. I’m glad I have a life to hold onto. xoxo

    2. I am somewhat proud of my response. A little sleep does indeed a lot of good. It’s amazing how just a few words can touch on a raw nerve and mess with the mind. I’m glad I now have my own life to focus on – and my little ‘bump’. xoxo

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