Collared Romance – #NSFW

Submissive? Me? That’s quite an assumption you’re making my dear. Just because I wear a collar? What if I’d wear a belt with a lock. Would you think I’d be submissive? Let me tell you a story. No offense, but you’ll just have to listen. So shut …..up – I’m sure you can fill in the blank.

The first collar I got was indeed from a relationship where I was the submissive. A thin, easily bendable, steel collar with a lock that was barely visible. Not exactly a statement piece, but nevertheless at the time a sign of submission. I didn’t have the key, which was a new experience for me.

Walking around in public, I always assumed everyone was looking at my collar. In fact, nobody cared. It was decorative, somewhat primitive, but functional. Not a soul turned around or asked me about it. Still, for my relationship it meant something. It meant that I belonged to someone.

Unfortunately, a collar is not a relationship. If it was, then the decorative nature of my collar was the perfect symbol for the D/s relationship I was in. Not much of a D, and as a result, not much of an s either. There was no stability, not strength, just the symbol of belonging. Like 5th graders holding hands.

Now, that may be enough for some, but not for me. I don’t ‘belong’ to anyone. I may willingly submit, even obey, be owned, but a flimsy collar is not going to do it. No offense intended to anyone who likes soft collars. We’re all different and what’s true and works for me is uniquely based on my personal experience.

We split up.

I still have the collar, but rarely wear it. Instead, I got myself a collar that I like, that represents what I want, who I am. It’s by Axsmar, stainless steel, an O-ring, and while it can’t be locked, the opening in the back worked by removing a section of the collar. It was love at first lock. Not until I found the right collar did I develop a strong taste for collars.

For those who are in a relationship, particularly a D/s relationship, a collar is typically a symbol of submission. Well, I’m not in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the feeling of loving who I am.

That may sound like an easy way out, but bending the collar enough to insert the detachable segment is hard work. Just putting the piece of the collar in is an experience. I know that I have hard steel around my neck. Getting it off is easier. When the collar is in place, it is perfectly smooth, with no visible gaps, molded to sit just around my neck resting on my shoulders. There is no hiding it. That’s part of its appeal.

I wanted a 24/7 collar. Easier said than done. Comfort, different work and social conditions don’t necessarily allow for a lock to be hanging around my neck. This collar was perfect. Hard enough to open that I’m not tempted to remove it. Easy enough to move around my neck that it’s not uncomfortable. And the O-ring slides easily to the back behind my hair where nobody would suspect it.

It’s perfect for me. It’s a statement of who I am. I don’t need a Dominant in my life to enjoy being submissive by heart. But I’m a submissive of my own choosing. Approach me the wrong way and my collar is a wall of steel. Get it right and you can lead me around with a little finger hooked through the o-ring.

For those who are in a relationship, particularly a D/s relationship, a collar is typically a symbol of submission. Well, I’m not in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the feeling of loving who I am. I guess you could call it a romance. Ups and downs often are followed by more intense ups and downs. Ultimately, though, it builds character. I’m not alone, I’m just by myself at the moment. And my collar keeps me company; reminds me who I am.

The most recent collar I got was from SwedishCollar. It’s a work of art, but, to be perfectly frank, not me. It restricts my movement whether I like it or not. Yes, I feel dominated. Just not by a person, but, ultimately, a piece of handcrafted steel.

A collar should mean something. It’s different from any other piece of jewelry, even different from a wedding band (although this is not an area where I am an expert). It’s a commitment, a statement, an acknowledgment to the person wearing it. Yes, it is romantic. It is not a statement of the owner. Any collar that is worn against the will of the sub is abuse. It’s a dance, a courtship until it clicks. Often literally.

The acceptance of a collar, one that symbolizes a status in a relationship, or simply, as in my case, a view of myself, is a symbol that should be treasured.

So, I wear my collar almost all the time. I do so for myself. I do so because it is who I am. I’m not constrained by it, yet anyone attempting to take it off would struggle. It’s a reminder of my strength, not my submission to anyone. Sure, when I have the o-ring in front, I send a signal, but I control the signal. Nobody makes me.

So, back to you. You still think a collar makes me a submissive?

Sinful Sunday
tellmeabout

18 thoughts on “Collared Romance – #NSFW

  1. What your collar means to you speaks to me of meaningful connection to your whole self, an unending circle, a ring of truth and strength and love for you as you are. Beautiful and strong.

    1. There is indeed great meaning behind it, just not always what people assume at first. P.S.: do you go by Moxie, or David, or something entirely different? 😘

  2. This is such a wonderful and well written post. I can relate to it a lot. For me, I never wanted to buy my own collar because it is symbolic to me, so instead I wear chokers for myself, because I want to identify with who I am as a slave, without needing a dominant for that. I would be a little more terrified wearing the type you do, but the way you describe it, it is as normal as anything. Go you for living your life and truth!

    1. Thanks, Marie. I thin on a great deal comes from the disappointment with my first relationship as a sub. The other part is my fear of getting involved with the wrong person. Going around with the collar I have gets attention, but everyone assumes I’m ‘taken’. Xoxo

  3. Such a great post on the complexities of showing ourselves as submissive. I love my collar my Queen gave me. It’s a silver chain with a name tag made of copper. Her pet name for me is engraved on the tag. Everyone else just sees a term of endearment, but I know what it truly means. It’s a constant reminder I’m owned by someone. Oh, and for the record, you’re right about it being different from a wedding band. My Queen and I are also married. Being a committed D and s adds greatly to our marriage but is still very different. And so the collar is a different symbol for a different dynamic.

    1. Thanks for sharing your experience. I had a hunch that even among married couples, a collar makes a statement that goes beyond the wedding vows. Xo

  4. What one hides and what one show only the person truly knows. What I see and feel from you is strength and confidence in your own identity. Being someone or something, does have to depend on someone else. I get the sense that a dominant on your terms is a complement to you submissiveness , they do not define it. Thank you Franchesca for sharing this.

    1. You’re so right, which makes my personal life so complicated. Maybe next time I meet someone I’m interested in, I’ll ask you to explain the difference between ‘you complete me’ and you ‘complement me’. Unfortunately, most are used to hearing the former and confused by the latter. 😘😘

  5. I love this Francesca, and to me it is an addition to the wedding ring I wear, an additional sign of our dynamic and its agreement and meanings. I don’t have solid collars, MrH made both my day and night collars, so there is additional meaning in them.

    I think your collar shows your strength and self awareness and I love that. x

    1. Oh, thank you! I’m glad you like it, and while I don’t have a significant other, I can totally see how it adds to the relationship. Even more so when the collar is made just for you. 😘

  6. I can understand you feel that the collar says something about who you are and I think that people wear them for different reasons. I like how you gave shown your relationship with wearing a collar grow and have explained the symbolism. 🙂

  7. I love that you have chosen your collar for yourself, and that you wear it of your own accord as a symbol of how you feel about yourself. It is a symbol, therefore, of deep strength, power, and choice. It must feel so utterly empowering to wear it.
    The SwedishCollar is, indeed, a work of art, but I can see how it might be rather uncomfortable to wear. My Husband bought me something similar years ago, and I hated it. It made me neck red and I felt trapped by it. I haven’t word a collar since.

    1. I hope you won’t give up entirely. I know it’s largely about the symbolism, but it should of course also be something that is comfortable to wear. You probably were somewhat allergic to stainless steel. Try a titanium collar. Not only are they allergy-resistant, but they are also much lighter and easier to wear. Just a thought. xoxo

    1. It took me a while, some trial and error along the way. But there is still one that I have in my imagination, it just hasn’t been built yet. xoxo

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