Kinky then and Kinky now #F4Thought

I had been a misfit for a long time. The kink community gave me a home. Not just in real life, also through the blogging community. I cannot imagine life without kink. Mine is very simple. Fetishes, particularly latex.

With a baby well on its way, at 40, I wrestled with the notion of losing my kinky side. There were times when I felt resentful. How dare this little thing inside of me take away a part of me. That was a few months ago. Times have changed. They have changed for the better.

It’s different now, but better. A year ago, I was looking for a partner. Someone with whom to share my kinky side. Not just for fun, but for a serious relationship. I may have gone too far. I put myself out in all the wrong places. But pulled back and built a shield around me when there were opportunities.

I think for a lot of men, my kink is intimidating. I’m not you’re regular submissive, I fight. And I’m shameless. Virtually no kink intimidates me, and that is intimidating for anyone who would think about dating me. It was all about me. I had a hard time thinking of others, how I would make them feel.

Now the world around me has changed. I have changed with it. A new life is growing inside me, I’m not alone. I have someone to care for. And I’ve found a community here that supports me.

Getting to know other sex bloggers, hearing their stories, has given me a lot of support. More than I ever thought I would find. So, I’ve changed.

Now I embrace both sides of me. I care for my body, my growing ‘bump’ and I find new ways of being kinky. No tight corsets, no harsh bondage gear. No restrictive fetish gear.

Instead, I’m embracing the softer side of kink. I still like to go out in latex. I still enjoy taking pictures, being provocative, seductive, kinky. But nothing beats the pride of becoming a mom. A kinky mom.

The change from resentment to pride is a transformation I had not expected a few months back. It came gradually, thanks to a lot of support from everyone in the blogging community. Just the occasional message from @sweetgirl_mhr, or @posychurchgate, a tantalizing exchange with @pjawodde makes all the difference.

I’m a happier person now. I’m in a better place. That is something I’m proud of. It didn’t come by itself, a lot of soul-searching. Walks in the evening. A lot of introspection. Now I know what I want to do. I know that I can do it.

It’s not my body that makes me kinky, sexy, desirable. My body is changing by the day, but my feelings about myself are no longer focused on what I’m missing. Now I think about the future. A future with a child. A gentler future, one where I can be more open.

I’m proud to have made the choice to become a mom against all odds. I work hard on bringing a healthy child into this world. And I will work hard to be the best mom I can be. The best kinky mom there is.

F4Thought
February Photofest

12 thoughts on “Kinky then and Kinky now #F4Thought

  1. What a great story of growing with the changes of life. My wife and I have four kids and are getting kinkier every day! You’re right, it’s not the body that makes us kinky but our mindset. Excited for you and your little one on the way. BTW…amazing pic!!

    1. Thanks so much. Took me a while to realize that, but I’m glad that kids and kink can happily coexist. Xo

  2. Awesome blog! Your honesty always is very much appreciated. The top picture, wow but I also like the second picture as it shows a little of the gentle side.

  3. Sometimes we need to focus on what we have, and not what we are missing. It’s something I am working on very hard at this moment. I guess it’s what they mean when they say ‘count your blessings’ right? You will be the best kinky mom there is, and the best mom for your little ‘bump’. I’m sure of that!

    Rebel xox

    1. Thanks, Rebel! I know it’s not the best of times for you. But that makes me appreciate your encouragement even more. Let’s all count our blessings, and try to add some. Xox

    1. Oh, thanks, PS! Got my tickets for the German Fetish Ball in late May already. That’s my motivation 🤗

  4. This post is wonderful, describing your personal journey of development and self love.
    I am so happy that I have been able to help you in whatever way. You help me right back by opening my mind to new kinks and I enjoy talking with you.

    I support what others have said about the kink coming from within, you will definitely find ways and time you can embrace it even when your little one comes into the world.

    1. Thanks, Posy. You’ve been a huge help and if I’ve been able to give something in return, that’s just the icing on the cake. Xoxo

  5. What wonderful discoveries and truth telling. You have been working so hard, so honestly, to find this your newest incarnation of your self!!! I keep learning from your sharing. Celeebrate!

    1. Oh, David, I’m celebrating, interrupted by runs to the nearest bathroom. But it’s all good and I couldn’t be happier at the moment. Xo

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