Do I ever wonder where I would be today if I hadn’t made the life choices I made? Sure I do. Do I regret having made them? Not for one second. Have they made the path to where I want to go easier? Who knows.
What are the roads I didn’t take? Well, the first significant fork in my life was moving away from my parents to Berlin. It was liberating. I was 18, looking to make my mark, I just didn’t know on what. I loved art, the roaring 20s, those old black and white pictures of life in Berlin. Yeah, I wanted to become a famous photographer.
Instead, I moved in with my first dom. Several of my friends were in D/s relationships. It didn’t last long before I realized that it wasn’t for me. But I learned a lot about myself, sex, and Berlin (not necessarily in that order). I like control, and I like to resist instructions. It wasn’t all bad. I got a very early look into Berlin fetish and BDSM scene, disappeared in it for a few years, before I decided to get a job.
Those were lost years, and they were also the most inspiring years. Tolerance, creativity, pursuit of happiness, meeting people from all walks of life. I grew up in a hurry, except that I had no idea what to do with my life. No, wait, I wanted to be creative. I wanted to be different, but in a way that allows me to shape the world around me. Sounds lofty. It wasn’t. I joined a graphic design start-up and had to learn the ropes pretty quickly. Essentially, programming for video games.
Then my life took another turn I had not expected. One of my friends asked me if I wanted to work as an escort. The idea seemed ludicrous. 5’6″ tall, baggy clothes, flat hair, glasses, skinny, and the only fashion I knew was from the club scene I had left a couple of years earlier. No way was I material for an escort.
And so began my detour. Fortunately.
I could still be clubbing. I could still be developing video games, or I could be the person who I am today. Now I can indulge in photography, more as a model than a photographer, but the results are still the same. They are me; they are what I like.
Among the many roads I didn’t take, there is not one I’d rather be on. Life is hard, it always is. But I’ve matured, I feel in control of my life, perhaps more than I would like. The path not taken is highly over-rated. How many people can say that they are healthy, open-minded, financially independent, can give one hell of a blow-job, seduce the shit out of men and women whenever I want to, be completely invisible and disappear in the crowd, and cannot wait to find out what the rest of life has in store.