No Regrets #F4Thought

Do I ever wonder where I would be today if I hadn’t made the life choices I made? Sure I do. Do I regret having made them? Not for one second. Have they made the path to where I want to go easier? Who knows.

What are the roads I didn’t take? Well, the first significant fork in my life was moving away from my parents to Berlin. It was liberating. I was 18, looking to make my mark, I just didn’t know on what. I loved art, the roaring 20s, those old black and white pictures of life in Berlin. Yeah, I wanted to become a famous photographer.

Instead, I moved in with my first dom. Several of my friends were in D/s relationships. It didn’t last long before I realized that it wasn’t for me. But I learned a lot about myself, sex, and Berlin (not necessarily in that order). I like control, and I like to resist instructions. It wasn’t all bad. I got a very early look into Berlin fetish and BDSM scene, disappeared in it for a few years, before I decided to get a job.

Those were lost years, and they were also the most inspiring years. Tolerance, creativity, pursuit of happiness, meeting people from all walks of life. I grew up in a hurry, except that I had no idea what to do with my life. No, wait, I wanted to be creative. I wanted to be different, but in a way that allows me to shape the world around me. Sounds lofty. It wasn’t. I joined a graphic design start-up and had to learn the ropes pretty quickly. Essentially, programming for video games.

Then my life took another turn I had not expected. One of my friends asked me if I wanted to work as an escort. The idea seemed ludicrous. 5’6″ tall, baggy clothes, flat hair, glasses, skinny, and the only fashion I knew was from the club scene I had left a couple of years earlier. No way was I material for an escort.

And so began my detour. Fortunately.

I could still be clubbing. I could still be developing video games, or I could be the person who I am today. Now I can indulge in photography, more as a model than a photographer, but the results are still the same. They are me; they are what I like.

Among the many roads I didn’t take, there is not one I’d rather be on. Life is hard, it always is. But I’ve matured, I feel in control of my life, perhaps more than I would like. The path not taken is highly over-rated. How many people can say that they are healthy, open-minded, financially independent, can give one hell of a blow-job, seduce the shit out of men and women whenever I want to, be completely invisible and disappear in the crowd, and cannot wait to find out what the rest of life has in store.



  1. I love this. Especially … ‘The path not taken is highly over-rated.’ I couldn’t agree more. This is a fabulously positive post and I’m really pleased that part of the road you are on has led you to share your journey with us through your blog 🙂 x

    Liked by 2 people

    • Back from St. Petersburg (a few days with my parents in Bonn), I just need to remind myself to be positive. I’m still in the phase where I kick myself for letting him off the hook with evasive answers. Life goes on.😘

      Liked by 1 person

  2. […] The timeline for F4Thought has changed, so at the time of this post going live you still have over 24 hours to get involved in the current topic of ‘Secrets‘. The previous prompt was ‘The Road Not Taken’ my favourites from that have already been mentioned above by May and Kisungura. The round-up post was done by Swirling Fire and she chose posts from Melody Insights, Steeled Snake Charmer and Francesca Demont. […]


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