In a number of picture I wear a collar and perhaps that’s sending some mixed signals. So I thought I’d clear some of the questions up that I get mostly via DM (btw, feel free to leave comments and questions here as well!). Below is a nice picture that shows me wearing my Talena collar from Axsmar made out of titanium. I actually got it a few years back at @_purplepassion_, a great fetish store in lower Manhattan – even has German speaking staff!
Most of the DMs are questions about me being in a D/s relationship. The answer is, no. I wear the collar, because I like it. The fit is not too tight, the curved shape sits easily around the neck without pushing on any bones, and because it’s made from titanium, it’s much lighter than a similar stainless steel collar would be.
I have been wearing it almost continuously since I got it. I hadn’t planned on it, actually. But as it turn out, taking the collar off is fucking hard! There is a short piece in the back that has notches to slip into hollow openings in the matching ends of the rest of the collar. If you’ve ever tried to bend titanium, and then fit a precision crafted small extension into an hole that has zero wiggle room, you’d probably also realize that it’s nearly impossible. I ended up leaving it one, and then for another day, and another, and so I got used to wearing it.
Help would of course have been available, but I liked the look of it, and because it really didn’t keep me from doing anything, I kept it on. Whether through airports or any other screening devices, since it’s visible and could just as well be jewelry, nobody has ever asked me to take it off.
Does that mean I want to be a sub? No. Not that I don’t have my preferences in relationships and play, but the collar has nothing to do with it. That’s where the confusion comes in. Yes, it is possible for a women to wear a collar nearly permanently (and I’ll come to the ‘nearly’) part, just because she likes it. No Dom needed, no relationship needed, no nothing.
Would I be open to being in a D/s relationship? (that’s a popular question) No! I’m not looking, and I wouldn’t even know how to make it work with my current life. Besides, I can be extremely opinionated, a pain in the ass (no pun intended) and, well, you get the point. No.
When do I take the collar off? I’ve taken it off a couple of times when I wanted to put on something else (another collar most of the time). Unfortunately, I’m a bit clumsy and ended up bending the notch in the back to the point where I cannot fix it anymore. So, at the moment, it’s back with Axsmar in the hope that they can repair it.